A moment in a mind
by Scifiemz
Summary: The Tenth Doctor thinks about all that he lost at the full of Gallifrey, and whether or not Rose can mend broken hearts.


A moment in a mind.

Doctor Who, the Tardis, Darlek's, Romana, and Rose Taylor aren't mine and sadly never will be, I'm just playing with them a little and upsetting the Doctor (sorry about that), big thanks to Zac for beta reading this despite having no knowledge of Doctor who what so ever, it is very much appreciated, big hug.

After the destruction of Gallifrey I promised my self, never again, never again would I allow it to happen.

I lost so much, not just my world, filled to over flowing with cloth headed idiots bent on dictating the universe from the comfort of there Panopticon dressed to the nines in there ridiculously bright plastic collars, (something that I will never miss). They where fools that never dreamed, there powers far reaching but the minds never straying far from home, they meddled but only when it needs be, to stop any other from gaining power or knowledge that may have threatened them, be it the ability to travel through time or significant medical advancement .

On the plant of Theo 9 a genius by the name of Professor Karn Tricktherea found a way of regenerate his people ( kind of), his race was dieing out by radiation in the atmosphere, soil and water supply, and was slowly leading to the annihilation of his race, there was no hope for ether his planet or the future, Professor Karn's discovery meant that his people would be able the change there DNA at a base level, and keep changing until they found a way to ether disband the ever increasing radiation or discover a complete cure for his people, the professors discovery would have saved every one.

It would have made him a hero and one of the most accomplished scientists of all time, but instead all it gave him was a early grave.

A terrible 'accident' resulted in the complete destruction of not only his laboratory, notes and experiments, but also of Karn, he died taking his discovery with him.

His people followed 50 years later.

The Time Lord's denied all involvement, which of course they would, they wouldn't want to be seen to be bloodying there own hands, even if the paper trail did lead sight back to the high counsel and the Lord High President himself, a man with power over all others to decide who may, and may not be a future threat to his world.

And they wondered "why" I left, stupid arrogant, pompous, tyrants the lot of them.

Well not all of them, there was Romanadvoratrelundar, my dear Romana I meet her when she was fresh out of the academy she had achieved a triple first and was well and truly top of her class, not surprisingly I never was.

The Time Lord's had physically shoved her on me, something I don't hesitate to admit to being not overly happy about.

But in a very little time she grow on me, Romana had this thirst for knowledge that was only second to my own, she longed to see everything, go everywhere, do everything, and to be honest I was only to happy to take her.

She made me feel young again and changed my opinion of the Time Lord's as a whole for the better, maybe the new youth would be like her and would be different in a whole better way.

I know that when Romana eventually left me, as I know even she would, she would go home and tell others of the wonders that she had seen and maybe inspire them as she had been inspired, and it was possible that she could help them to see things as I did, bright, shiny and fantastic, the whole universe was out there for them to find, all they had to do was go.

But it wasn't to be, she decided to stay behind in E-space and help there, when she left I tried to put on a brave face to smile and wish her luck.

I left her K9 as a parting gift to show her I didn't mind to much, but I did, Romana was of my own kind, she was like me, she thought, acted and solved problems in the same way that I did, she smiled when I smiled and found joy in the same art and architecture.

I don't hesitate to say, that I eventually fell in love with her, but that wasn't to be, obviously and I some how I managed to quickly get over it, thankfully and carried on much the same as ever,

And as for Romana she eventually returned home, become Lord High President herself, and compared to the previous ones did considerably fine job of it.

Romana was the president in charge when the war come, it was her that called me back, Who called every one back, and because of that she died on a Tardis fleeing at my instructions, she had with her, as many Time Lord's and Lady's as we could find at such short notice, what with every one dieing around us, there body's heaping up in piles at our feet, despite all that we did or tried to do.

That escape plan was our last desperate attempt to save something of our world, of our people and culture, a handful of adults maybe 30 of them and most importantly just over 20 children.

Children wear Gallifrey most rear and precious commodity, we had lost the ability to reproduce over 3000 years ago, a curse it was said placed upon the Time Lord's for all the wrong that they had done over the century's, and that curse had only just seemingly been lifted, after so many years of loom babies, children spun from DNA in labs all across our world, we had finally got back the ability to reproduce the old fashioned way, children produced from loving parents , they wear the next generation our hope for the future, and it seemed like hell turned upside down on its head to have to round them up them from there school with in the Panopticon it self,

We found them hiding away under tables and rubble trying to escape from the constant Darlek bombardments terrified, tiny and so alone.

we managed to pulled them out from the partially collapsed room in which they cowered and bundled them away in side the last working Tardis , its time shields altered, as to get past the Darlek fleet without detection, if Gallifrey was to die in a ball of flames, at lest some of our people would survive.

My Companion and Myself were there to see off that final Tardis, I watched with a deep ache with in my twin hearts as she placed with in Romana's arms her own treasured bundle, Our seven year old daughter, blue eyes wide with fear, caught up in war that she should never have been a part of, seeing her off was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do, but at the very least this meant I could save one member of my precious family.

The beautiful woman that agreed to be my wife would not hear of leaving me behind to face the Darlek's alone, though I begged and pleaded with her to join Romana and the others, she bluntly refused, steadfast in her belief that I couldn't deal with them alone , and she was as always right.

She was my beloved, faithful companion right up until the end, who never once left my side, despite the fear in her heart that shone brightly with in her eyes, even though she tried her hardest to hide it from me.

She was human though and though and was the bravest of use all, Gallifrey wasn't her world but yet she stood and battled fiercely for it, for me, and for me alone, because she loved me more than any thing else in the universe and couldn't stand to see the pain that Gallifrey's fall would exact on me.

I remember the look on her face, and deep in her eyes when she told me that it was her job to see me safe, that with out her I would end up dead before I know it, leaving both her and our daughter alone, and she was right, it was all down to her that I survived, and it's the one thing that I will always hate her for.

As the Tardis dematerialised I had so mush hope within my hearts, hope that I could save my home, keep my wife and child safe from harm, and save as many life's as I physically could.

It's a strange feeling to endure the braking of both hearts, and live to feel them heal if only slightly, I remember looking at the view screen in the heart of the Panopticon watching as the Tardis made its escape. Nothing but a tinny green dot on a massive screen showing the galaxy in which we currently stood, I watched its erratic flight plan as Romana attempted to look like space debris battered by the time winds of the vortex, I watched as it moved back and forth, now and then tumbling end over end, agonizingly slowly heading further and further out, getting closer to safety, I felt my hearts swell with hope, she was going to make it, they where all going to be safe, my beautiful daughter was going to survive this waking nightmare in which I had found myself .

But then,

At the last possible minuet,

The Darlek's against all our attempts manage to detected the fleeing Time Capsule,

They aimed there weapons devoid of hesitation,

And destroy it with out a moments thought,

Killing all on board in the blink of a eye,

Very last living sole.

Old and young

Gallifreyen,

And half human,

I was eternally grateful that my wife was in another part of the building, so wasn't there to witness ether the destruction of the capsule or see my endless strength finally dessert me, my legs giving way beneath me and my eyes fill with silently tears to run one after the other down my dirt encrusted face,

She wasn't there, as had wished them luck as they had dematerialised, had stayed until the white pod had completely vanished, then turned on her heal and walked away, when I hadn't followed, not turning back towards me she had said softly.

' There's nothing we can do now, there on there own, as are we.'

when the Capsule had been destroyed, she was franticly rewiring a part of the defences grid, she was the lucky one, never witnessing or knowing of our daughters death, I intended to tell her when it was all over, but I never got that chance.

Gallifrey was destroyed by a particle beam aimed at the very centre of the planet,

The Darlek's where destroyed by not only me but also my wife's brilliances,

And me, I survived by her simple cunning, and never ending love .

But my survival meant the hardest thing, I had to stand back and watched as the woman I had loved with every part of myself was slaughter far below me, I couldn't even hold her in my arms as she died.

The destruction scoured away everything on the planet surface, before boiling away the very soil and rock of Gallifrey its self leaving nothing behind at all.

She had known it was going to happen , that one of use had to stay behind , and she wasn't going to let it be me, in her final minuets her decision made she had kissed me and apologised, I had no idea of what she was planning and the next thing I know I was in the Tardis many hundreds of miles above the planet, she had locked the controls so that I couldn't go back for her.

And as I watched on, forced to look as I could no longer act, my world burned below me taking with it all that I loved, I felt my remaining heart crumble, I barely even felt the shock wave that had destroyed the Darlek's, hit the Tardis and send me tumbling in to the vortex, the impact and massive damage that the Tardis sustained resulted in my regeneration, if it hadn't, I would have walked away with barely a scratch, it didn't seem right that so many had died and hardly anything happened to me. I was almost grateful for the near destruction of my own ship.

And so after the fall of Gallifrey I promised my self, never again, NEVER AGAIN would I allow me self to fall in love with a human, they live and they burn so very brightly , but only for so short a time, they live by there instincts and morals, they protect that which the love with every fibre of there being, they will do all they can to keep that which they adore safe, including die,

And her death was my undoing, leaving me cold and so very alone, I could live with Gallifrey ending, my people gone, but I couldn't live with out her or my darling child, if this was what being in love did to you then I would never allow my self to fall ever again, be it with a human or any thing else for that matter.

I swear I would never love another never, ever , ever again.

But that was up until I meet one Rose Tyler, and every thing changed,

I can almost hear my wife laughter now as I look at Rose and feel my hearts swell.

' Never.' She would say, 'Never say, never ever.'

And maybe she's would be right .


End file.
